EPISODES

 

SERIES1

1. Alive and Berried – 4^th January 1990

"I've been replaced by a box, its standard procedure apparently for a man my age. The next stage is to stick you inside one." Made redundant at 60, Victor Meldrew has a lot more time on his hands - at least when he's not having to contend with age concern workers, unreliable mechanics and the consequences of reviving his magic act.

 

2. The Big Sleep – 11^th January 1990

Noisy neighbours, an outbreak of Jehovah’s Witnesses in the area, Victor needs to do something positive. Like exercise classes for the elderly.

 

3. The Valley of Fear – 18^th January 1990

There's a funny smell by the sideboard, a cat in the freezer and an old woman in the loft after a mix up with the builders and the boiler. However, Victor is more concerned with starting a residents' association after being mugged by football hooligans. He arms himself with a starting pistol and Mrs Warboys follows suit with a hand grenade.

 

4. I’ll Retire to Bedlam – 25^th January 1990

Victor has been trapped in his garden shed for three hours thanks to a swarm of bees, stuck in an eye hospital after closing time with his eyes closed and looking after Iris’s children proves to be horror.  

 

5. The Eternal Quadrangle – 1^st February 1990

Margaret is suspicious that Victor his having an affair with a nude model from his art class after he gives her a lift home, it is made worse when Margaret finds a packet of contraceptive in Victors pocket. Margaret finds she also has a secret admirer. That is the end of Victors trouble when he finds the carpet fitter has fallen asleep in his bed.

 

6. The Return of the Speckled Band – 8^th February 1990

Victor and Margaret are preparing for their holiday to Athens. They must first cope with Mrs Warboys's food poisoning, the simple matter of having their electric metre read, and an escaped snake which has been accidentally taken home after an afternoon in the garden centre  and reptile house with a friend of Margaret’s who is more of a pain in the arse.

 

SERIES 2

1. In Luton Airport No-One Can Hear You Scream – 4^th October 1990

Victor and Margaret returns home to find that their home has been demolished on top of the fact that their clothes are half way across the other side of the world.

 

2. We Have Put Her Living in the Tomb – 11^th October 1990

What can possibly go wrong when Victor and Margaret are looking after a pet tortoise while Margaret's god-daughter is on holiday? And has someone been using TCP?

 

3. Dramatic Fever – 18^th October 1990

Margaret is joining an amateur dramatic society. Meanwhile, Victor is writing a situation comedy - when he isn't continuing a feud against a litterbug.

 

4. Who Will Buy – 25^th October 1990

There's a new member of the Meldrew household - Victor's ventriloquist's dummy. Meanwhile, Victor has to contend with a bendy dinosaur salesman and Margaret befriends a lonely old blind man.

 

5. Love and Death – 8^th November 1990

A weekend on holiday with a few old friends – April and Vince who run a boarding house by a sea-side resort, finds Victor receiving a head stone form Vince, assaulting some midgets with insect repellent but Victors behaviour is worrying Margaret.

 

6. Timeless Time – 15^th November 1990

Its night time and Victor can't sleep. And that means that Margaret can't either.    

 

1990 Christmas Special - Who's Listening - 27^th December  

"All the miseries in the world seem a hundred times worse at Christmas." Victor isn't in a seasonal mood thanks to Mrs Warboys's nativity play, a hostage crisis and 263 garden gnomes. However, Victor's troubles are tiny compared with those of the small boy who wants his dead father home

 

1991 Christmas Special – The Man in the Long Black Coat – 30^th December

Victor's feud with Patrick is continuing with a vengeance following the garden gnome incident. Victor is also keeping an allotment and has bought a job lot of radioactive horse manure. Meanwhile, Pippa is pregnant and Mr Swainey's grandmother has died.

 

SERIES 3

1. Monday Morning will be Fine – 2^nd February 1992

After a burglary Victor decides not to replace his television set in order to give him and Margaret the opportunity to get out of the house more. However, a trip to the pub results in a disconcerting experience with an old friend.

 

2. Dreamland – 9^th February 1992

Margaret is having a recurring dream about murdering someone who looks like Victor. However, it's Margaret who is starting to irritate Victor. That is, until she disappears.

 

3. The Broken Reflection – 16^th February 1992

A meeting with a computer salesman for a waste of time after a previous car war and Alfred, Victor's accident prone brother, is making his first visit from New Zealand for 25 years. Victor is not looking forward to his stay, preferring to act as a neighbourhood vigilante.

 

4. The Beast in the Cage – 23^rd February 1992

Victor and Margaret experiences road rage when they spend the bank holiday stuck in a motorway traffic jam with the company of Mrs Warboys.

 

5. Beware the Trickster on the Roof – 1^st March 1992

 Mr Swainey has brought back Victor a present from his holiday - an unlucky charm. Victor thinks that Mrs Stebbings's TV aerial is laughing at him and his resulting misfortune. Meanwhile, Patrick and Pippa are having problems trying to sell their house.

 

6. The Worst Horror of All – 8^th March 1992

Even a shed falling on him cannot upset Victor when he finally gets a new job. However, before starting work he must first contend with some unwanted visitors and a trip to the BBC organised by Mrs Warboys.

 

SERIES 4

1. The Pit and the Pendulum – 31^st January 1993

 Victor is employing a workman in the garden, although he never seems to do any work. Next-door, Patrick experiences what it is like to have a crab in his underpants, and an argument with the workman sees Victor buried in the garden.

 

2. Descent into the Maelstrom – 7^th February 1993

 Margaret falls ill to nervous exhaustion that has been building up over the last 34 years. She has little chance for peace and quiet in which to recuperate, especially with Victor's problems with gorilla suits and the waste disposal system. She is however cheered by a visit from an old friend which ends in misery.

 

3. Hearts of Darkness – 14^th February 1993

During a trip to the countryside with Mrs Warboys and Mr Swainey, the Meldrews manage to get lost. Attempting to find help, Victor comes across a badly run old people's home and sees the opportunity to put things right.

 

4. Warm Champagne – 21^st February 1993

Victors been home 5 seconds and already he his arguing with some yobs who have been playing cricket on his drive, only to find they have put the window through. Margaret has a romantic encounter with a friend they met on holiday, all while Victor has sunburnt feet and a street lamp through the bedroom window caused by a milk tank. A confusion of addressed sees a stranger in the Meldrew household. 

 

5. The Trial – 28^th February 1993

Victor has been selected for jury service. He hasn't been required in court yet, but he is on call so he is stuck in the house all day and must somehow beat his boredom.

 

6. Secret of the seven Sorcerers – 7^th March 1993

Victor is preparing for a meeting of his magician's club. He now has a job as a lollipop man, but is being bothered by hoax calls from the fire brigade. Patrick and Pippa are due to visit the Meldrews' for a reconciliation meal, but Patrick isn't looking forward to the experience.

 

1993 Christmas Special – One Foot in the Algarve – 26^th December

The Meldrews are going on holiday to Portugal with Mrs Warboys. While Margaret is concerned about her approaching 60th birthday, Mrs Warboys is looking forward to meeting her pen friend, with thoughts of romance. Meanwhile, a journalist is attempting to retrieve a vitally important camera film which just happens to be in Margaret's handbag, but the holiday can only end in misery.

 

SERIES 5

1. The Man Who Blew Away – 25^th December 1994

Patrick is preparing for an important meeting with some Japanese businessmen. Next door, Victor's stolen car has been recovered, but he isn't very happy about it. Then the Meldrews are visited by Mr Foskett - a man who they met on holiday.

 

2. Only a Story – 1^st January 1995

Mrs Warboys is staying with the Meldrews following the flooding of her house and is starting to irritate Margaret. However, Victor is a lot calmer than usual thanks to the reflexology treatment that he has started receiving.

 

3. The Affair of the Hollow Lady – 8^th January 1995

The Meldrews are having problems with their locks which Victor sorts out and her also thinks that the woman in the greengrocers fancies him. Meanwhile, Mrs Warboys has won a wax model of herself.

 

4. Rearranging the Dust – 15^th January 1995

When Victor and Margaret visit their solicitors in order to make a will, they discover precisely why a waiting room is so-called. Victor has to overcome his boredom.

 

5. Hole in the Sky – 22^nd January 1995

Patrick is looking forward to his trip to stay with Pippa's brother after an embarrassing visit to an Armenian restaurant in order to attempt to make up with Victor. Meanwhile, the Meldrews are employing a pair of very strange workmen who are always playing pranks and Margaret is getting jealous of a marionette.

 

6. The Exterminating Angel – 29^th January 1995

Victor gets a new job as a driver for a wealthy owner of three expensive cars, which he somehow manages to smash each one up. Margaret suspects that romance may be in the air for Mr Swainey.

 

1995 Christmas Special – The Wisdom of the Which – 25^th December   

When Cousin Ursula dies the Meldrews have to clear out her house in the country, although a witch has predicted that Victor is about to come to an untimely end. Patrick and Pippa have finally sold their house and are preparing to move. Patrick has a new job with his own secretary - something which puts his life in danger.

 

1996 Christmas Special – Starbound – 26^th December

The Meldrews return from a long weekend away to find a man living in their shed. Victor is suffering from a hernia but this hasn't stopped him getting a job as a gardener working for Patrick's new boss. Meanwhile, Mr Swainey's mother claims that she is abducted by aliens from Neptune every night.

 

1997 Christmas Special – Endgame – 25^th December

Victor and Margaret have new neighbours, the McVities, who they are actually getting on well with. But for how much longer will it last, especially when Victor buys a haunted caravan, and then inadvertently kidnaps the mother of a millionaire?

 

SERIES 6

1. The Executioners Song – 16^th October 2000

Patrick’s birthday is fast approaching and the Meldrews decide to get him a birthday present that he will never forget, a sheet of plywood splattered in bird shit which was mistaken for a piece of unusual artwork to hang on Patrick’s wall in his home office. Love is in the air for Pippa after meeting someone at a bar.

 

2. Tales of Terror – 23^rd October 2000

The doctor has found blood inside Victors stomach, after tubes stuck here there and everywhere including up his bottom, Victor suddenly remembers Mrs Warboys Black pooding. Margaret and Mrs Warboys take the car in to change the number plate which has an insulting registration number “P155 OLE” (Piss Ole). Victor sits in the car, but it happens to be the wrong one, sending him on a mystery tour.         

 

3. The Futility of the Fly – 30^th October 2000

A cleaner who likes to strip down to her underwear causes confusion when Mrs Warboys goes to have treatment on her teeth, it actually turns out to be a tattooist.  

 

4. Threatening Whether – 6^th November 2000

A power cut on the hottest day of the year means more moaning for Victor, he must somehow beat his boredom without any electricity.

 

5. The Dawn of Man – 13^th November 2000    

Victor is fighting feud against a litter bug which later happens to be a nutter who comes to look at Mr Swaineys house as he is moving out.

 

6. Things Aren’t Simple Anymore – 20^th November 2000

When Victor goes to a re-union where know body turns up apart from himself, it turns into disaster when he is mown down by a drink driver. Margaret later finds out much to her disbelief it is her friend.      

 

 ( Episodes write-ups Courtesy of MJNewton )  www.mjnewton.demon.co.uk/tv/onefoot.htm